The Misadventures of Mari Hawke: Alternate Chapter 12
by wintryone
Summary: An alternate scene between Hawke and Fenris that takes place after Isabela attempts to give Fenris a "present" to cheer him up. Not included in the Redux. Just for fun :)


_**Below is an alternate scene from Chapter 12 of The Misadventures of Mari Hawke: Redux. It takes place right after Isabela tries to give Fenris a present to cheer him up :) It is not in the Redux, and is not part of the storyline of Misadventures. It's something I wrote and discarded, and originally posted here as a placeholder as I was reposting the story. **_

_**Thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, followed and/or added Misadventures to your favorites! I enjoy hearing from you!**_

_**xoxo**_

_**Wintry**_

Fenris closed his eyes and said, "Tell me you had no part in this."

On the inside, his words made Hawke feel like someone had stuck a knife in her heart. On the outside, she got angry. "Are you serious?" she asked.

He looked at her then, and she saw the doubt in his eyes. The knife twisted. She stared at him, struck speechless for the second time that day. And as she had nothing to say, she moved to leave.

His hand shot out and grabbed her by the wrist.

"Let go, Fenris," she demanded.

"Hawke, no," he said, but she would have none of it.

"Let. Go." She said between clenched teeth.

"No, you _will_ hear me," he responded, his temper also rising.

Hawke closed her eyes and began to count. This situation had spun way out of control. But that he could even think she would…

And then his voice was growling in her ear. "I'm sorry," he said. "You must know… you must know there is only one person I want."

"How could you even think…" she couldn't continue.

He did let go of her wrist then, and moved his hand to her cheek. She nearly pulled away, but told herself this was Fenris. Reminded herself that _she_ was his first attempt at trusting anyone. And then she remembered how she had reacted when she'd thought it was Fenris that Isabela was provocatively giggling with. She blushed.

"Hawke, please forgive me. I should not have questioned you. It was wrong of me." He sounded growly and sincere

An echo of what he'd said only moments ago replayed in her head. _There is only one person I want. _She sighed. Maker knew she was fully aware of what she was getting herself into when she had pursued him. Maybe she hadn't known how deeply she would come to care for him, how much he would be capable of hurting her – but she did know the damage she could do to him if she weren't careful. He was sincerely apologizing. She could not allow hurt feelings to stand in the way. Especially not after she'd jumped to her own conclusions.

"Don't do that again," she whispered, but whether to herself or to Fenris, she wasn't sure.

Later that evening, Hawke had just finished getting Bodahn and Sandal settled in, when the dwarf came to the library door. She'd barely had time to sit down with her book and open the cover.

"A visitor for you, Mistress Hawke," he said.

She'd had a trying day and was not in the mood for company. "Bodahn," she began, intending to tell him to send whoever it was away.

But Bodahn said, "It's Messere Fenris."

A moment later Fenris walked past Bodahn and into the library, looking around uncertainly as if he were afraid of the books or something.

"If you are busy," he said.

"It's fine," she replied, "Have a seat." She pointed to the chair next to hers.

He sat on the very edge, looking uncomfortable. "I wanted to talk to you. I feel my apology this afternoon was… insufficient."

"It was sincere, Fenris. I know that," she replied, and then added. "I probably should be apologizing to you."

"But you were not involved." He looked at her, confused.

"It's not that," she said, hesitating. "It's just… when I first arrived, I heard Isabela upstairs. She was giggling in that naughty way she has, and at first I thought…"

Comprehension dawned on his face, followed by amusement. "You thought she was with me? Being naughty?"

She really didn't want to admit this next part. "I was… jealous, I guess. I saw red. Nearly drew my daggers on her before I saw it was Jethann and not you."

Now Fenris looked pleased. Pleased?

He said, "Isabela does have certain attractions. I'm sure few man can resist her."

Hawke had no idea what to say to that. Was he teasing her? "Are you teasing me?" she asked.

"Perhaps you deserve it." He was smiling now.

_Perhaps_ we should just call it even," Hawke said.

"No, we are not even." He turned to watch the flickering flames of the fire. "Even as I was questioning your involvement, another part of me knew you would never… I don't know how to describe it."

"You're doing well," she said.

"Am I? Can you read minds then?" He lips barely curved into a smile.

"Minds? No." She smiled back at him. "Hearts? Perhaps."

"Can you explain mine to me?" He shook his head. "My… _feelings_ never make sense."

"Do anyone's?" she asked.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think feelings are supposed to make sense, Fenris. They aren't logical."

"True," he said.

_This is where it gets tricky_, she thought. "This afternoon, my feelings were hurt. I had thought… I had thought you would have faith in me."

"Not trust you, but have faith?" he asked.

"Trust is earned over time, through experience, while faith is something you choose."

"What are you saying?" he asked, his voice hoarse.

"I'm saying that considering your past, it's no surprise that trusting others is difficult, but I'm asking you to have some faith." She smiled sadly. "In me."

He looked at her, his eyes filled with remembered pain. "I want to, but I don't know how."

"I will not betray you. I will never seek to harm you. No matter how things appear on the surface." She blushed. She wanted him to ask the same of her, to offer her something to hold onto.

"I must choose this." It was not a question.

"Yes, it is a commitment." And the words she could not say to him echoed in her mind: _One I've already made to you, even though I fell short today, I will not repeat that again._

Fenris thought for a moment. "The only commitment I have made is to see Danarius dead."

"Understandable," she said. "And yet I would ask this of you."

"Hawke, what's inside of me – this hate, this poison – I lose my battle with it every night."

She understood. "Nightmares."

"Yes," he said. "They plague me. Every night I am a slave once more."

"The memories have no chance to fade." It was worse than she thought.

"No. Sometimes I wonder if my markings allow Danarius to control my dreams. He taunts and tortures me. I relive the worst of…" his voice broke.

She remembered what her father had said to her about magic in her dream. _Yours is of the heart_. She rose from her chair and stood before him, extending her hand.

Fenris looked up at her face, then at her hand. Hesitantly, he put his hand in hers and rose to stand.

Once again she hid nothing from him. She allowed him to see into her heart. She repeated, "And yet I would ask it of you."

Hawke watched as he struggled to answer her. _True heart, Mari_, she thought. _Do not waver_.

Finally, Fenris nodded and brought her hand to his lips.

It was more than she had hoped for. Yet she knew that the struggle would not end this night. It was really just beginning.

_**Sequels to The Misadventures of Mari Hawke: Redux**_

**Misadventures: A Collection of Shorts**

**Sibling Missives**

**Between Heaven and the Abyss**


End file.
